One of the many aspects of foster care that people are curious about is the needs that a new placement brings and ways they can minister to families during those first few days/weeks. This is a time of intense transition. On the outside we see adorable children looking for love and their new family eager to meet that need. Deeper down there is a scared person who may have been abused, neglected and moved from home to home. New people and places are scary even in the best of circumstances. However imagine that you have been taken from everyone and everything you have ever known and have been plopped into the middle of a new home with a new family. Scary huh? Definitely. This is what these precious children are going through...and their new families are having to learn them slowly and this takes alot of time and dedication. The new foster parents are also scared because placements come with a lot of uncertainty. And even in the midst of this uncertainty you are asked to give your absolute all to help these children heal and learn to trust again.
So fix a kid friendly meal for them. This will free both parents from kitchen duty and allows meals to be stress free. Feeding your new child is a bonding experience and builds trust, freeing the family up to unwind and enjoy meal time together is a blessing. Think about stopping by the dollar store and adding in some fun paper napkins and plates to brighten up the table.
Give the family the freedom to cancel plans even at a moments notice. Sometimes what sounds like a good idea on Monday is a disaster by Friday. Eventually things will normalize and they will be up for visits out.
Send an introductory text to the new child with a picture or send a card with a picture of you and/or your family. So when you come for your first visit they will know who you are in advance and won't think they are being moved again. Oh and please don't make the mistake I did when I was introduced to a friend's new foster daughter. Being from the south I of course told this 3 year old I could just put her in my pocket and take her home with me. That seemed harmless enough but to a little girl that had seen several homes this was terrifying. Keep that first visit light and brief.
Keep questions generic and polite. Like what are your favorite characters, colors, food, tv show etc. Please don't ask personal questions about why the child is in care. This information is confidential and it is ultimately the child's story to tell when they feel the time is right. And personal questions put the foster family in a difficult situation.
If you want to bring a gift it is much appreciated. A lot of times foster parents have not received a stipend for their new child and funds may be low and the child's needs great.
And my last piece of advice is please, please, please don't bring up the fact that this is supposed to be temporary and ask what will you do if they are taken. This is at the back of every foster parent's mind. We know that we are getting attached to children that may or may not stay and we have dedicated ourselves to the task at hand even knowing this. You don't know how you will handle it until you have to and you can't properly foster and help the families that need you if you are worried constantly.
During these days the new family is going to need a shoulder to cry on an ear to listen without a solution and lots of prayer. Thank you for taking the time to love on them and be a blessing!
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