Blessing New Foster Parents/Children.

One of the many aspects of foster care that people are curious about is the needs that a new placement brings and ways they can minister to families during those first few days/weeks. This is a time of intense transition. On the outside we see adorable children looking for love and their new family eager to meet that need. Deeper down there is a scared person who may have been abused, neglected and moved from home to home. New people and places are scary even in the best of circumstances. However imagine that you have been taken from everyone and everything you have ever known and have been plopped into the middle of a new home with a new family. Scary huh? Definitely. This is what these precious children are going through...and their new families are having to learn them slowly and this takes alot of time and dedication. The new foster parents are also scared because placements come with a lot of uncertainty. And even in the midst of this uncertainty you are asked to give your absolute all to help these children heal and learn to trust again.

So fix a kid friendly meal for them. This will free both parents from kitchen duty and allows meals to be stress free. Feeding your new child is a bonding experience and builds trust, freeing the family up to unwind and enjoy meal time together is a blessing. Think about stopping by the dollar store and adding in some fun paper napkins and plates to brighten up the table.

Give the family the freedom to cancel plans even at a moments notice. Sometimes what sounds like a good idea on Monday is a disaster by Friday. Eventually things will normalize and they will be up for visits out.

Send an introductory text to the new child with a picture or send a card with a picture of you and/or your family. So when you come for your first visit they will know who you are in advance and won't think they are being moved again. Oh and please don't make the mistake I did when I was introduced to a friend's new foster daughter. Being from the south I of course told this 3 year old I could just put her in my pocket and take her home with me. That seemed harmless enough but to a little girl that had seen several homes this was terrifying. Keep that first visit light and brief.

Keep questions generic and polite. Like what are your favorite characters, colors, food, tv show etc. Please don't ask personal questions about why the child is in care. This information is confidential and it is ultimately the child's story to tell when they feel the time is right. And personal questions put the foster family in a difficult situation.

If you want to bring a gift it is much appreciated. A lot of times foster parents have not received a stipend for their new child and funds may be low and the child's needs great.

And my last piece of advice is please, please, please don't bring up the fact that this is supposed to be temporary and ask what will you do if they are taken. This is at the back of every foster parent's mind. We know that we are getting attached to children that may or may not stay and we have dedicated ourselves to the task at hand even knowing this. You don't know how you will handle it until you have to and you can't properly foster and help the families that need you if you are worried constantly.

During these days the new family is going to need a shoulder to cry on an ear to listen without a solution and lots of prayer. Thank you for taking the time to love on them and be a blessing!

Are they listening?

It is easy to lose sight of the goal. Parenting is a an ongoing, ever changing,  journey, it is not a destination....this is something I have to remind myself of often. When we are in the middle of parenting, in the trenches so to speak, the days seem long and unending, the kids are strong willed and unyielding and we more than most likely are running in circles feeling like we accomplish very little. The downtime and relaxation is sparse at best and we get side tracked, many, many times. This leaves us wondering are we really making an impact in the lives of our children.  This is why I am so thankful for one on one time with our kiddos. These are the times they share their hearts with Donald and I. And we can tell if they are truly getting the life lessons we are working to instill in them.

Today was my day with our littlest A. Boy did I get an ear full. She filled me in on every thing from her career choices, to how and when she thought God was going to send her a husband. It makes my heart proud to hear that she wants God to send her a guy that is "spiritual and loves God more than anything". She even added that she didn't want a bossy husband and she wasn't going to be a bossy wife because God wants the husband and wife to work together. She is 8 and oh so wise. She also wants to finish college before dating....dare I hope that she sticks to her guns on this one? LOL. So when the days stretch out before you and you are oh so tired and wonder if anyone is listening, remember they are learning more than we could ever imagine, even on the busiest, most chaotic days.

And so it begins...

...graduation week. It has seemed surreal that our oldest is graduating high school Friday. When I met Amber she was this shy, timid 6 year old. Her first words about me were "I thought she would have had long hair". I just knew she was going to dislike me. But she didn't. Amber is a Mama's girl...I am mama. Boy did I win the lottery. She has always been my biggest cheerleader as I moved from "Dad's girlfriend to stepmom to Mom. Amber is the strongest young woman I know. She is a hard worker with a great capacity to love. She doesn't let her obstacles stand in her way for long and she never complains, she is always encouraging and building others up. It has been a joy and privilege to raise her these past 13 years. I look forward to our new adventures as mom and daughter but I am sad that this chapter is coming to a close. I have loved raising you and seeing your take on life. Thank you for the gift of you baby girl!

A different kind of summer.

Summer for our family is a very frugal time of year. This is when we are saving for many expenses. We have school clothes, most of the family's birthdays are in summer and there of course is home school curriculum for our one little A that is at home with mom. And this year we have our oldest A graduating from high school so we will be throwing a graduation party. YAY! To this we are going to try and add in a family vacation to the beach. Even with being frugal this can be a daunting task.

I would love to say that I have come up with a wonderful new way to make saving easier and less painful but I haven't . We are going to have to buckle down and have simple, free fun. Thankfully we live about 5 mins from the lake and we have a nice big piece of land to enjoy, so our surroundings help a lot. I will also work to keep our food budget in check and consolidate our trips into town to keep our gas budget down as well.

I will scour ebay and hopefully pickup many of the home school books we have to have at a steep discount. Also buying 2nd hand reduces waste. We will also supplement with free online and library resources. Our library is also a great place for movies for our family night....again free. And we get to visit with some of the best ladies we know so a win win.

We also keep birthday celebrations simple. A homemade cake or dessert, their fave dinner and much wanted gift usually makes the birthday boy or girl feel loved and special without breaking the bank. With us living an hour away from family we will have to rethink the wheel in some ways but it is always fun to try something new. We of course want to spend time with them so I am thinking this will be a nice splurge. So look for my savings updates through out this summer to see how we are doing!

Unexpected joys.

Our puppy Lily cuddling on a lazy day.

Today I really wanted to sit down and write an eloquent blog post that would wow my audience. However today was anti-climactic. It was a stay in your pjs, watch reruns of Girl Meets World and Sabrina the Teenage Witch with your sick kiddos kind of day. I was kinda bummed by that for about three seconds and then I realized this is what I love about my life. That I am able to be at home with my kids when they are sick and make them chicken and rice soup out of a can with dolphin shaped pb&j sandwiches (thanks Grandma for the cutters) and just cuddle and enjoy each other. Now if you are a working mom please don't think that I think my way of doing things is better. It works for us. I know lots of working moms that juggle family, work and home brilliantly and I admire you. I on the other hand am not wired that way and it is okay. We as moms, no matter what,  hate when our kids are sick of course but we are thankful when we can be there with loving arms and healing kisses to make it all better.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Today marked my 12th official Mother's Day. It started off perfectly....I slept in, woke up slowly in the bed with my sweet hubby. For the first time ever I slept in and woke up on my own on Mother's Day!!!! This was monumental. I proceeded to the kitchen where our oldest had cleaned and organized. Erasing all traces of last night's dinner. We were ready for pancakes and bacon. Usually Donald makes me breakfast and spoils me but he just ended a long rotation at work so he slept in along with me and I just let him be. The kids laughed and joked and even made me coffee while I cooked.

Then my picture perfect day turned into a nightmare. Bickering, arguing and fibbing ensued after breakfast as the kids worked to get dressed and ready for a visit to Grandma and Grandpas. I found myself disappointed that my day had taken a wrong turn. This was my day after all. I work hard, take care of my family. I wanted to be pampered and treated like a princess. Commence pouting. What had went wrong? The answer, nothing. The kids wanted today to be perfect just like I did. In our excitement we forgot that all 7 of us are human with our own thoughts and emotions. Even in the "mess" of humanity God has blessed me beyond measure. He reminded me of a time when I longed for the sounds of a full house.....a strong emphasis on sounds. I didn't care whether it was arguing, crying, laughing, or singing. I wanted the blessings He had for me and I wanted them pronto. He had answered my prayers with 5 beautiful, strong willed blessings...

We had a wonderful visit with Grandma and Grandpa and cousin B and all the fur babies. Then we headed off for dinner. More fussing, demanding ensued but this time I relaxed and dealt with what came. And do you know what happened? By the time we were headed home 2 1/2 hours later the kids were singing Veggie Tales songs, teasing their Daddy and I and things had completely turned around.

In this life nothing is perfect in the sense that it is without struggle and a fight of some kind. But almost always that is accompanied by the blessing of joy and beauty if we just take the time and patience to look for it.

I hope you all had a beautiful day celebrating God's blessings in your life this Mother's Day!

 Put Up With Me
~Holly Giffers

I’m glad that you’re my mother,
kind and caring and strong.
Coz surely no-one else,
Could have put up with me this long!